LAST week we began to answer the letter of Nanette M., who requested some tips on being a better communicator. Part of it is one’s ability to empathize, or to be able to understand the people we are dealing with.
While verbal communication is, of course, important, Albert Mehrabian, a professor at University of California, Los Angeles, says 55 percent of what you convey comes from your body language, 38 percent from the tone of your voice and only 7 percent from the words you say.
In answering Nanette’s letter, we quoted tips from Business Insider’s Drake Baer and Max Nisen on tactics for reading people’s body language. In last week’s column we tackled the first seven, which included how a crinkle around the eyes, the tone of one’s voice and staring can convey priceless messages.
In this week’s column we will discuss more tips. We hope you will find them helpful.
8 Crossed legs are usually a sign of resistance and low receptivity, and are a bad sign in a negotiation. Out of 2,000 negotiations videotaped by Gerard I. Nierenberg and Henry H. Calero, the authors of How to Read a Person Like a Book, there wasn’t a single settlement where one of the negotiators had their legs crossed.
Psychologically, crossed legs signal that a person is mentally, emotionally and psychologically closed off, which may mean they are less likely to budge in a negotiation.
9 A cluster of gestures shows a real feeling of connection. Attraction isn’t communicated through one signal, but a sequence.
Neuropsychologist Marsha Lucas says the sequence could be as follows: “After making eye contact, she looks down a bit, gathers or preens her hair, and then looks up to you while her chin is tipped.”
10 If they’re laughing with you, they’re probably into you. If someone is receptive to your humor, they’re likely interested in you.
Evolutionary psychologists say humor plays a pivotal role in human development. It serves as a way of signaling a desire for a relationship, be it platonic or romantic.
11 A clenched jaw, a tightened neck and furrowed brows show stress. All these are “limbic responses” associated with the limbic system in the brain.
“Emotion, spotting and reacting to threats, as well as assuring our survival, are all heavy responsibilities of the limbic system,” former Federal Bureau of Investigation counterintelligence agent Joe Navarro says. “The bus leaves without us, and we are clenching our jaws [and] rubbing our necks. We are asked to work another weekend, and the orbits of our eyes narrow as our chin lowers.”
Humans have been displaying this discomfort for millions of years, Navarro says.
12 Expansive and authoritative postures show leadership. Whether they are innate or learned, there are a number of signals and behaviors that people use when they feel that they are a leader, or at least try to convince you that they are.
They include maintaining an erect posture, walking purposefully, steepling and palm-down hand gestures, and generally open and expansive body gestures.
13 A shaking leg signals a shaky inner state. “Your legs are the largest area in your body,” University of Massachusetts professor Susan Whitbourne says, “so when they move , it’s pretty hard for others not to notice.”
A shaky leg signals anxiety, irritation or both.
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Crossed arms can signal defensiveness, depending on the context. It’s easy to seize on body-language cues, but it is important to be aware of the context. While crossed arms typically indicate that someone is closed off, people are most likely to cross their arms when it’s cold, or the chair doesn’t have an armrest.
Baer and Nisen say it’s important to be aware of the environment before making a decision.
Millie F. Dizon is the senior vice president for marketing and communications of SM, as well as the chairman of the local chapter of the United Kingdom-based International Public Relations Association (Ipra), the premier association for senior PR professionals around the world.
PR Matters is a rotating column of members of the local chapter of the Ipra.
PR Matters is devoting a special column each month to answer readers’ questions about public relations. Send your comments and questions to askipraphil@gmail.com.