DEAR PR Matters,
I am a follower of your column and while I am not exactly in public relations (PR), there are a lot of tips I can apply in my line of work.
One of the things I have learned is the importance of good communications and you have written extensively about it, whether in sending good media materials or in handling crises. Thank you so much for that.
It will also be helpful, though, if you could give us guidelines on how we can improve our communications with others by breaking bad habits. What are these things we have to avoid? I would appreciate your response on this.
Sincerely,
Wilna A.
Dear Wilna,
It is nice to know that PR practitioners are not only those who appreciate our column, but also those who wish to communicate better. Thank you so much for your letter, which is a validation that the PR actually goes beyond professional boundaries.
As you have earlier mentioned, communications is essential not only in PR, but in everyday life. But in our efforts to do so, we sometimes drive people crazy with bad communications habits. This is especially true in a world where there is very little time and so many distractions, including ever-present gadgets that we seem to be putting so much time into.
We recently came across an article by Kat Boogaard in, Inc.com, where she lists eight bad communication habits you need to break immediately. These are habits we may not be aware of, but are really annoying others.
“Want to have better conversations,” she says. “It’s time to break up with these pesky bad habits.”
1.Constantly interrupting. Did you ever look forward to share something with a close friend or colleague, but never have the chance to because he or she kept on interrupting and talking about irrelevant matters about people you don’t even know? Well you are not alone.
“You might think your constant interjections are a way of showing your level of engagement,” Boogaard says. “But they really make you a conversational bulldozer.” So if you’re one of those people who tend to jump in and interrupt or—even worse—try to complete people’s sentences for them, Boogaard suggests “you need to keep yourself in check.”
2.Multitasking. Multitasking is a habit we’re all likely guilty of. And while our gadgets keep us connected to friends and family here and abroad, they sadly create a barrier with those who are actually in front of us.
“Conversations deserve your full attention,” Boogaard says, “and just not the half-hearted glances you’re willing to give them when you manage to rip your focus away from your mobile-phone screen.” Give your conversational partners the attention they deserve.
3.Using qualifiers. Qualifiers exist for every situation. These can range from “Don’t take this personally, but…”; this may be a bad idea, but…”; or “I know what you are thinking, but..”
But if you have a tendency to overuse them, you may be driving people up a wall. Why? “While these prefacing sentences may seem like a great way to sugarcoat your sentences, they often come across as condescending and unnecessary,” Boogaard says. And can make you sound tentative and insincere.
4.Equating your experiences. Boogaard describes a situation we are all familiar with. “Someone is explaining a difficult problem he’s currently facing. You immediately retort with ‘I know exactly how you feel!’ and then launch into your own long winded tale of a time you experienced something that’s not even the least bit similar.” Sigh!
“It’s important to remember that all human experiences are different,” she says. “Your attempts to show empathy are admirable. But in most cases, you’re better off just listening and lending support.”
5.Floundering. The mark of a skilled communicator, Boogaard says, is someone who is prepared to be clear and concise whenever they speak up. And flounders—those who constantly chime in without a clear purpose—definitely get an F mark.
“We’ve all had to deal with those people who seem to just ramble on endlessly without a point—those people who appear to be talking simply because they like the sound of their own voices,” she says. And that’s a place we don’t want to be in.
6.Avoiding direct contact. The never-ending assortment of communication tools available today has made us a little less willing to actually talk to each other. I know people who communicate with those in the desk or cubicle next to them via e-mail. Or worse, still, give important and confidential instructions without talking to one’s colleagues or staff directly.
While Boogaard is a big fan of the convenience of e-mail and text messages, “if you’ve ever dealt with someone who took the time to write a lengthy message for something he or she could have easily explained to you in as few as two sentences, you know how frustrating that can be.”
“So before hitting send on message, ask yourself if this is something that could be done more efficiently in person or over the phone. Save yourself [and the person on the receiving end!] a lot of heartaches.”
7.Waiting, instead of listening. When you’re having a conversation with someone, you should be actively listening, Boogaard says, and, definitely, not tuned out. You’ll never know if you can actually pick up something very useful and important from that conversation.
“That means you’re not just staying silent, while thinking of your next point and waiting for your chance to talk again,” she says. “Instead, you’re engaged in what that person is explaining. Trust me, people can tell when you’re tuning them out.”
8.Using filler words. “Umm…uhh… like” These come up when we are at a loss for words. “This is perhaps one of the toughest habits to break,” Boogaard says. We’re so used to littering our sentences with these unnecessary words—it’s alike a nervous to for all of us.
Her advice? “Make your best efforts to cut them out. Your conversations will be much cleaner and more polished.”
“Breaking a bad habit isn’t always easy,” she concludes. “But channel your energy into removing these faux pas from your conversations and you’re sure to be a better communicator.”
PR Matters is a roundtable column by members of the local chapter of the UK-based International Public Relations Association, the world’s premier association for senior professionals around the world. Millie Dizon, the senior vice president for Marketing and Communications of SM, is the local chair.
We are devoting a special column each month to answer the reader’s questions about public relations. Please send your comments and questions to askipraphil@gmail.com.