FALLING in love is a universally amazing experience. But it’s different for everyone.
Some of us fall easily and without reservation. Some people aren’t quite as trusting, for them, falling in love is a more gradual process.
Sometimes it is not difficult to allow yourself to fall in love, but it is difficult to accept that you are in love.
When you ask people how they know they are in love, the most common response you will get is, “You just know.”
However, do you really “just know”?
I have met people who claimed they were in love but clearly were not yet. I have also met people who refused to accept that they were in love. They claimed that their relationship was nothing serious, but they showed signs of being in love.
Sometimes it is easier for outsiders to see that you are in love than it is to recognize the signs yourself.
Is this denial? Maybe. Is it a lack of self-understanding? Possibly.
However, the most likely reason is ignorance. You just do not know how to recognize the signs of being in love.
Even if you have been in love before, that does not guarantee that you will know love when you see it. Too often, we measure love based on what we have felt in the past. Moreover, while we certainly learn from every relationship we have had, we cannot define love based on our experiences alone.
Just because you loved your ex does not mean that relationship should define love for you. Even though you felt, at the time, that romance was the greatest of your life, you need to open yourself up to new possibilities. By idealizing your past relationships, you will ward off new love.
All too often, I have seen friends refuse to give people a chance because they are so wrapped up in a rigid definition of love one that the new person does not quite fit. Unless their next romance follows the same trajectory as the first, they sabotage it.
A different love is not necessarily a bad love.
In fact, “different” is often exactly what we need. If you keep dating the same people and do not change your definition of love, you will just build more failing relationships.
So maybe it is time to create a new definition of love. Maybe it is time to try something new, to let go of the ghosts of your past relationships and to truly start over with a clean slate.
Your past relationship may have been enjoyable, but it was not right in the end.
And it’s not enough to assume that things were just missing.
Adding or removing a few ingredients from a recipe does not equal the perfect dessert. Maybe the problem is that you’re looking for cake when you should be looking for ice cream.
Maybe you have never even tried ice cream, and you are too afraid to take the first bite.
There are a million ways to define love, but there is always one factor, one ingredient that remains the same: Your person is not just a person. Your person is your home.
If your partner’s presence makes you less anxious and worried, you are in love.
Excitement is a necessary ingredient in romantic love. However, true love is not always exciting. Love and excitement complement each other, but you need to consider them separately.
Love comes in different shades. As we date different people, we change, too. Moreover, this means the love we are capable of experiencing also changes. It makes adjustments based on our new perception and new reality.
Sometimes our definition of love becomes tainted. It becomes unhealthy, dark and painful.
Therefore, it is important to take a step back and reassess your definition of love. Think about what you want your lover to bring to the table.
Life can be incredibly difficult. Disasters happen on large and small scales. In addition, when things get especially hard, having someone to rely on someone who makes you feel like you belong, can literally save your life.
One of the reasons we fall in love in the first place is that having a partner simply makes life easier. Why do you think everyone is so desperate to find someone? Marriage means a guaranteed support system for the rest of your life, and your heart grows when you accept responsibility for your partner’s happiness, too.
You are going to meet many people in life. Many of them will want to date you. Many of them will actually date you. Just do yourself a favor and do not repeat your past mistakes. Create a new pattern one that does not fall into the grooves of your past, failed relationships.
If you need to start fresh, then start fresh. Let go of the negative, and find someone who feels like home. That is what love truly is.
Cyril Razon loves to watch “action movies” during Valentine’s Day. Like his story via the BusinessMirror Millennials Universe (BMMU) Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Millennial-Universe/435594193285671. Follow BMMU on Twitter via @millennial_U or Instagram (type Millennial Universe). E-mail comments or story to millennialuniverse@yahoo.com and the editor at dennis.estopace@gmail.com.