Conclusion
Instead of speaking about “work-life balance,” we must speak of “work-life integration”—not that act of managing those heavy scales that weigh upon women and our many roles, but, instead, completing a “wheel of wholeness” and being focused about our purpose and our priorities.
This was the crux of the discussion during Business and Professional Women (BPW)-Makati’s event, dubbed “Torn Between Two Loves: Balancing Career and Relationships,” held on February 10 at A Space in Legaspi Village, Makati City.
“The concept of work-life balance is already outdated,” pointed out Chiqui Escareal-Go, an event panelist who is president of Mansmith and Fielders Inc., an advocacy-based marketing, sales, innovation and strategy training, and consultancy company. “We should talk about “integration” and wholeness…. And when you talk of a romantic partnership, it should be with someone who is just as whole, with whom you can share your wholeness.”
Chiqui is one-half of the hugely successful partnership between her and her husband, “marketing guru” Josiah Go. She said one key to keeping their relationship strong is accepting the many things that bring their partner joy—in both their cases, marketing and advocacy—and integrating those into their relationship.
“It’s impossible for us not to talk about marketing and work, even during our ‘dates.’ Sometimes, we just spend some time together and we already hatch an idea for another marketing program. And it works for us,” Chiqui shared.
For Monette Iturralde-Hamlin, another event panelist who co-founded the integrated marketing communications firm TeamAsia with her late husband, Mike, both marriage and business-building complemented each other, because each partner recognized the respective strengths that they brought into their partnership. It was the mutual give and take that allowed their business to flourish and their marriage to succeed.
“And I was just always in awe of him,” Monette shared. “For 20 years, I was in love with him every single day. We would hold hands while walking, and I always told him ‘I love you’—morning, noon and night.”
Mike’s passing three years ago left Monette “devastated,” but she is grateful to have been able to express her love for her husband every single day. If there is one thing she would tell her 10-year-younger self, it would be: “Take more vacations—and longer vacations—with your husband and your family.”
Meanwhile, Jean de Castro-Molo, another event panelist who is a corporate lawyer and anchor for the daily morning show First Up Philippines (Bloomberg TV Philippines), spoke of compromise and sacrifice in favor of one’s priorities.
In her case, it meant giving up the partnership track at a corporate law firm in order to run the family’s engineering business with her father, while her husband ran his own law firm. (“We didn’t want to put our eggs in one basket,” she shared of the couple’s decision not to run the law firm together.) And now, because of her anchor duties with Bloomberg TV Philippines—which Jean admitted she enjoys—she has also given up late nights in order to make it to the studio by 3:30 a.m. every day.
She credited her husband for being hands-on at home (such as taking care of supermarket and cooking duties, for instance), so she can do what she loves while also having time for their young family.
For all three married women in the panel, an important factor of their own success was having “the right partner” who would be equally supportive of their endeavors—with whom there were no “ego issues,” and who were equally involved in raising their respective families.
For Riva Galveztan, the event’s “joyfully single” panelist who is also an entrepreneur and founder of the profiling-and-matching service Customized Dating, being in the right romantic partnership is a byproduct, first and foremost, of achieving wholeness in oneself, and being able to value the many relationships and priorities around her.
“You first have to know yourself and be true to your values. You need to know your purpose and know how to set healthy boundaries. If you don’t know yourself and your purpose, you might compromise on your nonnegotiables just for the sake of having a partner.” It is this reason, Riva said, that she has remained joyfully single for eight years and is, instead, spending her time truly getting to know her family, her friends and herself.
The event’s official “male reactor,” comedy actor and learning and development consultant Gabe Mercado, echoed Riva’s views on purpose and priorities. He spoke of his choice to become a single adoptive parent, and of the many unconventional decisions he had made in favor of parenting. To Gabe, being father (and mother) to his 11-year-old son, Beeto, is his priority, and all his choices—from his decision to give up showbiz to his preference for a long-distance relationship—are built around that.
“It is possible to be happy, whole and fulfilled as a single person—and it is possible to raise a child on your own, as a single, adoptive parent. It’s a choice that’s available to everyone, and it can be done,” Gabe emphasized in his own sharing.
Throughout the provocative and illuminating one-hour discussion, all speakers shared and echoed these ideas:
- Know yourself fully.
- Know your priorities and what truly matters to you.
- Make time for what matters. Sacrifices will have to be made, but at the end of the day, you will not regret making choices for the people you love.
- Don’t be afraid to say no. Set healthy boundaries—and stick to them.
- Be disciplined in your lifestyle and choices. Let your choices reflect the kind of life you wish to have and the kind of person you wish to be. Be realistic about what you can commit—both at work and in love. Dive into your commitments with open eyes and with a healthy dose of reality.
With integration and wholeness will come clarity. It won’t be easy, but it will be easier to drown out the noise and be more at peace with the decisions that you make for yourself and for those you love.
One hour was clearly not enough for such an engaging discussion, and it is BPW-Makati’s hope that we can continue engaging women—and men, too—in the many critical topics that form the substance of our lives. We are grateful to all our guests for their time that evening, and we hope to continue hosting similar events that will inspire everyone to live fuller, more balanced, and more integrated lives.
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BPW-Makati is a nonprofit organization that is a member of BPW International. The network seeks to “develop the professional, business and leadership potential of women on all levels through advocacy, mentoring, networking, skill-building and economic-empowerment programs and projects around the world.” The entire BPW organization is also closely aligned with the United Nations Women Empowerment Principles.
For inquiries about the event or about BPW-Makati, e-mail bpw.makati@gmail.com. To know more about our future events in partnership with A Space Manila, visit “Women Stepping Up PH” on Facebook and @WomenSteppingUp
on Twitter.
Niña Terol (@ninaterol) calls herself a “communicator, connector, idea curator and changemaker.” She heads corporate affairs for McCann Worldgroup Philippines, one of the largest and leading multinational communications firms in the Philippines, and is a founding trustee and board member of BPW-Makati. She has also been widely published in local and international publications and is a lecturer at the Ateneo de Manila University.