DO you feel overwhelmed? What makes you feel like you’re drowning?
Is it your job, the people around you, your many obligations or even your own expectations?
There are times in our lives when we may feel worn down. It’s like being in a room where the walls are closing in, and you lose the energy to push on. It’s then when you question where you are. Did I really want this present? Is there substance to what I’m doing? Do I really want to continue what I’m doing today for the rest of my life?
These moments of self-doubt usually happen in life’s so-called crossroad years or “midlife”. Many label this as the midlife crisis.
My daughter and I recently had a chance to speak with an interesting person, Sacha Cotture. He started his craft being mentored in design in Switzerland back in his teen years. Two years ago, at midage, he started to dabble into painting. Today he is equally successful in the visual arts.
I read his profile and it says, “Here in the Philippines he found painting as an antidote to restraint.” The spontaneity of painting allows him to channel an inner point of view—a nonintellectual process where introspection can happen. This spontaneity merges fluidly with his choice of media. In his series of works, the expressivity of Chinese ink reveals a fresh handling of a centuries-old tradition through his hands.
“It seems as if the painter and the medium intertwine to create unexpected narrations of inner consciousness rooting from the wholism of day-to-day life.” Hearing his continuous journey pushed me to see both Focus and Freedom. We can be passionate about our work and still find freedom to grow. It’s not easy, and is not always clear what we want or where we want to go. It helps to have supportive family and friends to the foster the quest.
It also made me ask, “Is there a way to midlife freedom? Is there a way to assuage all the anxiety? Is there a point where we actually say, ‘Yes, I am happy for my present?’”
I’ve realized from personal experience that crossroads force us to face difficult life decisions. Did we choose the right craft? Did we choose the right place to build our lives? In extreme emotional dilemmas, we ask, “Did we marry the right partner?”
Amid these questions, it made me see that crossroads are real, and they are good. We may not come to this appreciation right away, but crossroads are a course of “fateful” passage.
Amid the “chaos”, it is these times when a providential message comes and gives us our needed comfort. It is these times when a text of affection from our partner gives far deeper comfort. It is these times when a hug from your kids becomes an affirmation of your life decisions. Moreover, finding focus leads us to our own unique points of reference. I call this the “Present Plus” formula.
Freedom doesn’t mean “escape”. It doesn’t mean we listen to that lingering voice that says we want change. It’s also not a hall pass to throw away the present because of those feeling of unease and restlessness within us.
For me, I hope to see the “Present”. Recognize the good. Recognize what’s important. Be bold enough to state the unwanted—but don’t stop there. Search for the “Plus”. What can make it better? How can we transform or improve our current situation?
Freedom is fighting for a clear truth; it’s not and shouldn’t be a phase to justify acting out.
It’s knowing what matters to us and not settling for a life absent of substance.
It’s a needed “shake-up” of the present. Why? Because the reality is we all evolve in different ways depending on the experiences we face through the years and how we absorb them. This pursuit of happiness is a family affair.
It’s better to state what matters to you, especially to your life partner, than finding yourself one day just giving up. And for those on the receiving end, patience, understanding and, more important, firm love helps.
Is it a selfish pursuit? I think shoving aside this crisis would be a bigger disservice. By not knowing our clear truths, we will always feel our life has no substance. Without it, there will always be boiled-up resentment, perhaps even anger. Thus, I believe ignoring our midlife restlessness would be even more selfish to everyone around us, especially our partners and children.
Happy Freedom Day, everyone.