FORTY years (or so) have gone by and what do I have to show for it? Well, I don’t have much stuff, as in material items—certainly, nothing to brag about. But I have picked up a little bit of insight over the decades.
1. Nobody is talking about you. And sometimes that can be worse than everyone talking about you, right?
2. If you’re not happy snuggling in bed with your kids on a rainy afternoon, watching movies, eating popcorn and laughing, you are focusing on the wrong things in life.
3. Kids are only little until about age 10 and then it’s all over. Since they’re not really aware until about age 3, that means they only have about seven years to have unadulterated fun. Don’t mess up that small window of time by not going along for the fairy-tale rides. (Meaning: Don’t spill about Disney characters, tooth fairy, etc.)
4. It’s really all about the hair. Find a style you like and stop fussing. Ideally, make your style something that takes less than 10 minutes to do.
5. The first two weeks of anything are key. If you want to be a top performer or A student, bring it the first two weeks. After that you’re typecast and even if you mess up, everyone will assume you had a bad day/week/year.
6. You really are what you eat. If you’re spending time and money making sure your clothes are washed without chemicals, maybe you should give your brain and heart the same consideration.
7. Live stuff in your house is good. If you live alone, go get a fish, some turtles, a dog or a cat right this minute. Buy live plants, too. Those things give either love or oxygen, and they ask for very little in return. Very fair deal.
8. If you bring something new into your house, take two things out: You have too much stuff already, trust me. I don’t even know you, and I’m pretty sure you have enough stuff to last the rest of your life.
9. The beach is awesome until you slice your foot on a shell and then get sand inside of it and jump around knocking things over. Too much of a good thing is too much, no matter what it is.
10. Take care of those teeth. If you don’t like your teeth, you act weird and everyone knows something is wrong even if they don’t know what it is.
11. Cultivate friendships with as many people as possible, and then get together often. It doesn’t have to be a big deal or fancy dinner. Friday-night poker games or potluck movie nights work really well. It’s all about friends, laughing, sharing meals and your life.
12. Save one half of every dollar you make forever. If you can do that, you will be king or queen of your world. Trust me, money in the bank makes lots of things seem OK.
13. Teach your kids manners; please, thank you and may I’s go a long way in life. Teach them by doing it yourself, all the time, without fail, even to one another.
14. Go ahead and fight with your siblings when you’re young, but grow up and make up because they are the only ones who really care, simply because it’s required.
15. Go out of your way to help your neighbors, even if you have to knock on doors and offer them a cup of sugar. You will need them someday and it’s just good to know who is sleeping a few feet from your front door, no?
16. You need only a pen, a piece of paper, an envelope and a stamp to seriously change someone’s day. Send letters, cards and notes…with your handwriting. It matters.
17. Take mental photos of the smallest things: your son holding your hand while he sleeps; your daughter laughing at something you said; spilling the pancakes mix on the floor and everyone freezing. That’s all there is, everyone, little things.
18. Join. Participate. Sign up. Doesn’t really matter what it is. Just get out there and join something. Commit to it, and do it and show up to meetings and be.
19. You really don’t have to run all hunched over when it rains. It’s just rain, and water dries.
20. Take a million photos and toss them in a big box. Photo albums are way too boring to flip through. Way more fun to sit in the living room while everyone pulls various photos out in no particular order and remembers this and that and the other memory. It’s memory potluck.
21. Contact old friends and rekindle that relationship in some form. Old connections are good because they ground you and remind you that you’re not that big of a deal.
22. Grow flowers—lots of them. They look beautiful, smell amazing, attract bees that make honey, and they pollinate our world. They’re also a quick and cheap (free) gift when you’re running late.
23. For absolutely no reason whatsoever, pay for the car behind you in the takeout lane.
24. Once a month try something ridiculously different than your regular life. It’s only one time you need to do it, so you can handle that, and you may just love it. Or maybe you’ll break your leg and then end up in the ER and then meet your soul mate.
25. Speaking of, if you love someone, go ahead and stop being a fool and tell them already. If you can’t say the words, send them a card that says it for you. If you can’t do that, suffer in silence and be miserable. See? Which scenario is worse?
26. It’s more than OK if you don’t know the answer, so go ahead and get over your fear of looking dumb in meetings and class. You can raise your hand or voice and declare…“You know, I don’t know about this, can you explain, please?” Guess what? Ninety percent of the room will be relieved that someone asked and the boss/teacher will be grateful that they can explain and show how very smart they are (since they knew you didn’t know but didn’t want to embarrass you). See? It’s circular.
27. Be just as nice to your family as you are to your coworkers and the total strangers you meet every day.
28. Join the Peace Corps for a year. You really have it made and need to pay back.
29. If you’re bored with your life, change it. If you think you made a mistake, fix it.
30. If you’ve ever harmed someone in any way, find him or her and apologize sincerely. You should be sorry and they should know it.
31. The Cub Scouts’ motto is dead on—do your best. Always. If your name is on it, make it the best you can—all the time. No slacking.
32. Stop thinking about yourself 24/7/365. Doesn’t that get exhausting? Volunteer somewhere helping others. Spend time every day helping someone—anyone. Someone needs help somewhere. Go help them.
33. Sleep well and often.
34. Do not break the basic rules: no killing, no cheating, no lying, no stealing, and no being bigoted or racist or ignorant either.
35. If you’re done with school, you’ve made a mistake. Go back and study something different. It doesn’t matter if it’s getting your PhD or studying basket weaving. Go learn.
36. Paint your house crazy colors at least once.
37. Save every penny you can so you can have enough to take one big trip. Maybe Europe or China. Get a passport, set a date and go. Setting the date is the key here. If you book and pay for a flight six months from now, you can’t not go. It’s forced adventure living.
38. Stop trying to live like your friends and neighbors (or trying to look like them, too). Be you, live your life your way. If you don’t do it your way, who will?
39. If you don’t like the opera, don’t go. Wasting time on things that don’t interest you is a waste of time. Period.
40. Playing hooky, watching movies and eating junk food should really be written out on doctors’ scripts—they are that important.
So there you go. Forty things I’ve learned in 40 years. Maybe you’ve learned these lessons, too? Maybe you have others you can share? Life is pretty funny and short and long, and annoying and great. Enjoy yours.
By Paula Sirois McClatchy-Tribune News Service