WHEN I first moved out of my parents’ home back in the mid-1990s, there were still not a lot of young women in their 20s or 30s living on their own. I belong to a generation where parents still expected their daughters to leave the family home only when they got married.
So the majority of women who lived apart from their own families then were usually either students from the provinces boarding in dormitories while finishing their studies in Manila, or were working here and sending money to their parents back home.
The circumstances surrounding my having to go solo were less a practical decision but more on domestic issues, the details of which I’d rather not delve into anymore. Too much drama.
Anyway, I made sure that my new home would be near my place of work, which at that time was in Makati. Traffic was still quite predictable then, and I’d just hop into a cab or onto a bus to go to work, which was about 30 minutes from my flat. But looking back on it now, I don’t know how I even managed to squeeze everything I had in a 22-square meter unit. Just thinking about how small it was makes me feel now kind of claustrophobic. Hahaha! But it was home, and I was liberated of the domestic burdens, which weighed down my spirit and my sanity.
But my, how times have changed.
With the number marriages in the country declining as more single men and women focus more on the their careers than on their civil status, there appears to be a growing trend of unmarried women living independently or heading households with children.
While the Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA) has yet to return to me about my query on the trend of females leading their own solo households, data from the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development suggests about 6 percent, or roughly 1.2 million, of the total number of Philippine households (20.2 million as of 2010, according to the PSA), are one-person households. It doesn’t make a distinction, however, if these are females or males.
Available data from the PSA indicates about 21.2 percent, or almost 4.3 million, of the total Philippine households are now headed by females, a far cry from just 10 percent in 1970, and 12.2 percent in 1995. Again, the PSA data doesn’t make a distinction between one-person households, and the average Filipino household with about four people. My belief about the trend is more experiential, so to speak.
In my own circle, I can immediately think of five single women, of varying ages, who live away from their family homes. My niece, Purple, is one of them. Single and in her mid-30s, she has been living alone in a condominium since 2013, as it was near her office then.
She finally purchased it last year after it was offered to her at reasonable terms, although it has proven inconvenient now, as her office got transferred two cities away.
Then again, Purple’s stuff is still crammed into her bedroom at the family residence, and good girl that she is—unlike her ninang—she still goes home every weekend. Which is probably part of the reason, I guess, her parents (my sister and brother-in-law) didn’t object to Purple getting a place of her own. She also tells me in her own department alone, there are two other single women in their late-30s living on their own. One of them had her marriage annulled and living on her own with her kids, away from her parents and the usual familial support system.
In the entertainment arena, there is a show called Single/Single on CinemaOne, which, in its first season, put together a 20-ish single girl (Joee) and a 20-ish single boy (Joey) in one apartment as accidental roommates.
There is also a running ad on TV where the main character is a young career woman (played by Maine Mendoza) going home from work and passing by the supermarket or a convenience store. There she picks up a Magnolia Smart Pack, which she says contains just enough chicken parts for her to cook for dinner.
Prior to this, Milo also had a heartwarming TV ad with a mother facing the challenge of helping her young son practice for his soccer match. There was no photo of any father or any vague reference to him living somewhere else or on a business trip abroad. It was just one mom and one son and soccer. It made me teary-eyed the first time I watched it.
These developments show a falling away (finally!) of the social stigmas relating to single women leading their own lives and heading their own households. Many single women may be living solo out of practical purposes (i.e., renting spaces to be closer to the office), due to personal circumstances (i.e., widowed due to the death of the spouse), or by choice (i.e., just wanting to be independent).
Whatever the circumstance, there are, of course, huge advantages of being a solo dweller—for one, no one is at your ear all the time to pick up your dirty clothes off the floor! Hahaha! But, of course, there are also disadvantages; I used to hate getting sick, because there was no one else who’d look after me or bring me to the hospital for an emergency or a checkup. (Check out this piece on the 61 Awesome Benefits of Living Alone, https://huff.to/2csBwdh.)
Whether you are female or male, it’s a big decision to live alone, and away from the family. But I have never regretted that choice. It’s a great way to learn how to be an adult, without anyone else making you feel guilty for your “poor” choices. Privacy and peace of mind are its best rewards.