WHEN Jane’s mom wanted her to pursue Nursing in college, she tried at least to make them both happy.
So Jane, confessing to the heavens, could imagine herself wearing scrubs, and exploring the intricacies of the human body is her element. Connecting the dots, her mom could be more than thankful to her upon realizing her frustration of becoming a licensed nurse. But Jane didn’t want to have her crown but, instead, want something more than just that capital two-letter title beside her name.
Summer is over, and Jane has to start her life all over again—but not with her mom. Entering college is an enormous plan everyone has to deal with; Jane doesn’t even know what self-initiative is. In a nutshell, the university life is Jane’s turning point, from losing dreams to finding her new self.
One thing for sure, Jane doesn’t want to figure out the science behind our body mechanisms. A brand-new world it is, she could have longed for staying in the ward, not until the moment she was holding her own medical kit and stethoscope. Pins and needles might have her gone curious, but blood and flesh keeps her fear alive.
Agreeing to pursue a four-year dreading course, Jane wants to stop being her mom’s protégé. It has been for two years when she felt lacking. Coping up in a world of seizures and stitches for two years now, it was how the scar affects a person’s brand of image, and not the practice itself, that Jane has ever wanted to seek knowledge. For a while, it fascinates her, but her head bows too low soon after that wake-up call.
“Kamusta, iha?” Her mom calmly asks over the phone. “This is not what I want, Ma.” I know how Jane’s mom would react if this has reached her personally. “Masasanay ka rin, I’m telling you. Give this a chance, iha,” her mom patiently says, while her daughter, with a point-blank face, wants to immediately turn off the phone. Today isn’t good news, adding to the failing remarks on her scorecard.
Struggling between the truth and the reality, this isn’t what Jane expects for herself. While every person in the lab seems gullible watching an infant “swim” his way out to this world, her head “dives” to the deepest concern of how the pain resonates to her femininity. A grim paradise to imagine, she couldn’t handle streams of blood oozing from her patient’s womanliness, same as the pressure of listening to her mom’s advice.
In a self-destructive society where having a good-paying and sustainable job is synonymous to following her mom’s choice of education, Jane felt the need of disarming this societal bomb. Wanting to be a “people of the people” and not just a concerned citizen attending to the medical needs of her patients—even to the mess of giving birth—it’s innate in Jane to digest a person’s vulnerability in pieces, thus, seeing the bigger picture of where does he or she comes from. Understanding the human psyche is her greatest motivation to find the goodness in herself.
That being interested in Libido Theory and Sigmund Freud, plus Carl Jung and Friedrich Nietzsche, her theoretical engagement to various psychological phenomena was an understatement. It was against her mom’s reality. Her convincing aura lies flat when mom tells the horror of making her proud with that decision. Every now and then, thoughts of choosing between her belief and her mom’s personal touch crumbles to her own sanity—same goes with the only favor she’d given to herself while, all of her life, she has been this sweet, courteous daughter. Owning to her resilience, Jane is about to confront her mom with what’s genuine in her heart before she crumbles down.
Sealed in an envelope is Jane’s confession written a day before her departure to her dormitory. It was the first thing her mom saw in her bedside: “Mom: I tried to fit in the mold, but it’s not worth the effort. Nursing is far from Psychology, and I don’t want you to give any false hope. I never failed your expectations of me but, please, forgive me when I say this isn’t what I want. I can’t stand how unfair it would be granting your desire, when all I ask from you is to just let me do the things that I love. I tried hard to be the nurse you always wanted to be, but I am this weirdo with a heart for the lost people. For the last time, please, let me pursue Psychology. I’m not happy anymore—Jane”
A huge relief, even if unsure of its result, Jane is at ease now. Hoping for a favorable response, this ends her struggle of finding that inner peace. Nevertheless, repeating the only mistake she had allowed to happen could either make or break her and her mom. One thing, it wasn’t a bad blood for them settling their conflicts, but she haven’t had her own personal space; it was in college she found liberation, right after that two-year tryout. This time, she won’t hold back to her own vision.
School already ended, and the summer breeze once again radiates in Jane’s room, confining her existence in a cubicle of silence, when her mom knocks at the door. Jane, who hasn’t heard her mom say something about the note, didn’t have to argue with her mom. “Go on, be the weirdo with a heart for the lost people.” The rest is history.
Thousands of cash were already spent, but that could be easily gained. And for mom, what’s important is to see Jane blossoming into her best version without impeding her growth—another chapter unfolds to both of them. Jane carries her passion for hearing thoughts, while her mom shuffles those medical books in the cabin. For a while, her opinion verifies Jane’s betterment, but now that Jane could think for herself, detaching her judgment consents both of them to examine what matters most in the grand scheme of life, including her decision of shifting course. Even a dream has just totally ended, another one rises. Now is the time for Jane to make her existence notable for her cause with her chosen vocation.
So, Jane, without a word from her lips, is grateful for this chance that she’s been waiting for. For her, it wasn’t how she got to the climb, but was the process that made the climb. May it not give her a million-dollar living, but her receptiveness and affection toward people is a trillion-dollar fulfillment not only for her, but also for the lives that has been changed. Ready to accomplish her mission, Jane doesn’t need to prolong the misery memorizing those surgery terms and arguing with her conscience every night.
Back to the basics, Jane will have to stay in the university for some more years as a Psychology student, and her mom is in full support—no regrets, just love.