By Randall P. Lieberman / Sun Sentinel
ACCORDING to parenting expert and psychotherapist Marianne Bennett-Altschul of Boca Raton, expectant mothers typically read every baby book they can get their hands on during their pregnancy.
However, Bennett-Altschul says that nothing can totally prepare you for the reality of having your own baby. That is why Bennett-Altschul is so proud of the Blooming Babies free program for moms and their babies (ages birth to five months) she launched six years ago at the Betty & Marvin Zale Early Childhood Learning Center at the Adolph & Rose Levis Jewish Community Center in west Boca Raton.
The Blooming Babies program is extremely popular and much of the success of the program can be attributed to the work of Bennett-Altschul, the program’s director, who has more than 15 years of experience providing psychological, emotional and spiritual counseling.
As part of the program, Bennett-Altschul provides a five-point guide to common-sense parenting, which she calls “Common-Sense Strategies for New Mothers.” Bennett-Altschul claims you won’t find these points in many books.
The five points are:
- Sharing is okay: Even the most relaxed of expectant women can turn into overly protective mommy tigers when their baby is born. Many new moms often set a pattern of doing everything for their baby themselves.
This is a mommy-trap. The time will come (it does for all of us) when you will happily hand over the little bundle of joy to take a time out (a girl’s night out, manicure, or gym class). Don’t wait until you break…take advantage of friendly offers to help out early on.
- Let that housework slide: This is where many new moms wake up to their perfectionist tendencies and lofty self-expectations. The house is probably going to look as if a hurricane has recently blown through it. So accept it.
Sure, it’s important to keep up with the basics (washing dishes, laundry and bathrooms). However, the deep-cleaning may need to be held off for a while. Perfectionism be gone…so get over it and invite a friend over to your messy house.
- Be a little selfish: It is so critical that new moms don’t fall into the trap of schlepping(dragging) around the house in pajamas for the first six months of the baby›s life. While it may feel comfortable for the moment, it will just make you feel sad. It is essential that you take time for self-care: daily showers, styling hair, putting on some makeup (if you so wish) and clean clothing—even if you only manage to get around to this by lunchtime.
- Spend some time with your partner: It is common to hear that the partners of new moms often feel neglected and left out. It is important to set aside a little time each day to touch base and keep the relationship special. Try to have a quick meal together, take a walk in the neighborhood after dinner and talk about things other than the baby. Open communication and “couple time” is critical to the establishment of your new family.
- Establish boundaries: Parents are establishing brand-new patterns with their baby, spouse, friends, coworkers, parents and in-laws in the first few weeks and months. Creating a family means that you are beginning to establish new customs, routines and habits. Stay mindful of how you are creating healthy roles and responsibilities.
Do you want your mother-in-law popping in unannounced? Your baby waking up five times at night? If not, it’s time to establish clear boundaries that truly support you in your starring role as new mom.