NEW York pastor James David Manning warns that the semen of sodomites is Starbucks Coffee’s secret ingredient. Earlier, he warned that upscale sodomites are spreading the Ebola virus through Starbucks. Oddly, this warning only adds to the conviviality of a visit to Starbucks, to the thrill of taking risks, like a Doctor without Borders working in Africa. Manning asked food inspectors to look into his claim, and they did. Since nothing came of it, Starbucks got a clean bill of health. If Starbucks had unilaterally asked for an inspection, people would have become suspicious. But since someone else raised the issue…
Manning said, “The semen flavors up the latté and makes you think you are having a good time drinking.” The operative word is “think”. We might respond, “How would he know, unless he’s tasted semen himself?” But his proposition does not require familiarity with the taste of semen, or Starbucks, for that matter. You could come to the same conclusion just by watching the strangely satisfied looks of Starbucks customers. Why do they all seem to be having a good time alone or with company? It can’t be the coffee, some might say, because it is so strong that identifying the bean is pointless. Yet, none can dispute the evident satisfaction. This raises the possibility that it is not the coffee, but something in it; something that does not add flavor, but conjures the recollection of having taken semen straight. And yet, Manning is not saying that all Starbucks customers are suburban sodomites.
As I said, the operative word is “think”. The semen in the latté triggers a remembrance of things past, but not with a pastry (the spongy madeleine dipped in tea was another gay’s weakness) that triggered the writing of the fattest novel in literature.
Manning says his predictions never fail, and even as he predicts that, soon, no openly gay person would be seen in Harlem, he may have quietly predicted to Starbucks’s management that, if he rants this way, there will be another upsurge in customers who are out to show that they are not afraid of appearing gay or have the self-confidence to invite suspicion about their sexuality by patronizing Starbucks.
Indeed, Starbucks’s customers bought its coffee by the box and gave it out for free outside Manning’s church in defiance of his strictures, and while he denounced it, he seemed pretty cool about it. I think this guy works for Starbucks and operates on the principle that any publicity is good.