By Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Candace Bertotti & Chase McMillan
IT has always been risky to voice your political views and, in today’s polarized environment, it’s become practically taboo.
Our private conversations reflect what we see around us. The political dialogue on television and in social media is rarely dialogue at all. Instead, it’s mutual monologues punctuated by verbal Molotov cocktails meant not to invite reflection, but to discredit the other position (or person). We rightly avoid such arguments—until we’re blindsided by our boss, our mother-in-law or our neighbor whose goal is to convert us rather than elicit our opinion.
Our research suggests that whether you agree or disagree with another person matters much less than how you share your opinion. Try these skills to navigate political discussions at work:
- Focus on learning. Frame the conversation as a chance to learn from each other, not to change each other’s minds. For example: “I know what I think about immigration, but I’m curious about why you feel so differently. Would you be open to sharing your position with me?”
- Ask for permission. After affirming your focus on learning, ask for permission to talk about the sensitive topic: “I don’t want to debate, and I’m not trying to change your mind. I just want to understand. I see this issue very differently. Would it be OK if I explained my perspective?”
- Show respect. Other people won’t engage with you if they don’t feel you respect them. So set the stage by communicating your intent to treat their opinions fairly: “I value you and your perspective. I want to hear from you. I don’t assume I’m right.”
- Seek common ground. Look for areas of agreement rather than disagreement. If the conversation gets heated, look for the greater principle governing both opinions and you’ll likely find a mutual purpose behind your convictions. Say things like: “I want to find the goals we share, and then look at the issue with those goals in mind.”
Joseph Grenny is the cofounder of VitalSmarts. David Maxfield is the vice president of research, and Cadance Bertotti is a senior master trainer and Chase McMillan is the research and development manager at VitalSmarts.