THERE are those who still question if stem-cell research and cure actually work or they are just a forlorn hope and waste of money.

Well, after the latest discovery in stem-cell research, none will ask anymore.

It appears that stem cells can cure and repair severe cases of impotence perhaps even more effectively than Viagra whose patent just lapsed. Impotence is an oxymoronic major concern of the proponents of the reproductive-health bill, which seeks to guarantee maximum sexual satisfaction as a basic human right. To be sure, this is an odd combination with a birth-control program, but never mind, because the major cause of population growth is fornication. Resuscitate the ability to screw and you revive the ability to reproduce. What God has already killed, leave dead, says Isaiah I,12-15. On top of which the right to great sex is rarely satisfied on both sides, except by the rich and good looking.

According to the distinguished magazine, New Scientist, and I quote, “damage to parts of the penis vital for proper erections have been repaired for the first time with the help of stem cells.”

The cure is specifically addressed, says the New Scientist, to those who cannot achieve a straight erection. The New Scientist says nothing if the cure is necessary for those who can achieve erections but pointing in other directions.

Wayne Hellstrom of Tulane University, in my favorite American city of New Orleans, Louisiana, took stem cells from fat, and grafted them on the lining of pig intestine.

Yes, stem cells from fat. So the next time your wife points at your belly, tell her, “Here, huh, here, is your only hope of a good time. So don’t mock my belly.” After stem-cell therapy, tissue analysis showed marked improvement to the damage of the parts of the penis vital to the erection—of rats. Of rats? What’s the relevance then?

And, oh my, how could they tell? I guess with a microscope. And how did they induce a tumescent response from a rodent? By showing the centerfold of Playrat? Or Pentmouse? No, don’t answer that; don’t even go there by referring to the prosecution in the impeachment of Corona to whom P-Noy gave a hard-on with just a phone call. Does that qualify as phone sex?

Be all that as it may, we think, that this direction in stem-cell research will fire up funding for the one thing that men crave even more than a cure for cancer. A stiff member.