ONE hot summer day recently, my four-year-old son entered my office at home all smiles and quietly plopped a kitten on my lap. Yaya explained that the cat was following him the entire morning in the village playground, so he decided to pick it up and carry it all the way to our house.
“Pussycat! Butterfly!” he proudly tells me, referring to the cat and probably designating him the name Butterfly. As if it weren’t enough that he’s now away from his parents and home, christening a feline with an insect’s name will no doubt make his life even more complex now.
Butterfly The Cat looked up at me with those heart-melting eyes—like the look of Puss in Boots in Shrek when Shrek wanted to dispose of him. How could I say no? I’m not really into cats—I grew up taking care of puppies and fish. But even my boy’s dad was quietly motioning to take the cat in. It’s a conspiracy! Pussycat, 2, Mommy, 0.
“Mom, look!” my hubby called out to me from the kitchen. Next thing I knew, my son was on the floor happily feeding his new pet by sharing his glass of milk, pouring some of it into a saucer, and getting a sardine we had for breakfast. Boy and kitten in blissful mode.
It’s always been my prayer to raise a child that’s caring and loving, who will give me kisses and hugs, and say “I love you,” when he can—a son who’ll like playing with me and laugh when I tickle his tummy. I thank the Lord for indeed giving us that child.
On the other side, as a parent, there’s always that secret fear in me of raising a child in the kind of world we live in now. I confess, I’m paranoid about my child’s safety, food safety, lead poisoning, bullying, kidnapping, unruly drivers on the road, the next big earthquake, tsunami (what if we’re on a beach outing?), price increases in gas and essential commodities, bin Laden’s death and its effect on our national security, typhoons and floods, and so many other things that media and social-networking sites make us worry about every single day.
Are parents really “born” to worry about everything? In our fear mode, I must admit that hubby and I have become the dreaded “helicopter parents” that we didn’t want to be. The term, along with “lawnmower parents”, refer to those who tend to cut down all possible obstacles that will get in their child’s way. We still spend sleepless nights watching him sleep just to be sure he’s safe and sound. We gave him two yayas to answer to his every need whenever we’re out at work. We’ve become hoarders in case the stores run out of milk and food. Are we “overparenting”? But didn’t we make a vow somewhere to love and take care of our kids, to give them the best for as long as we’re alive?
I actually found a web site that’s after my “doubtful” heart: the paranoidparentsguide.com. But they’ve leveled up the negative into something positive. Knowledge is the opposite of fear, goes their mission.
Find the real answers instead of just worrying—and you’ll be able to relax and have time for fun with your kids.
It really goes back to that old scout’s motto of being prepared at all times. Laging handa. So here, as always, is how keep the fears of other parents like me, be placed in the right perspective.
1. Realize what are you afraid of. Stop and think about what’s causing your heart to beat fast, or why you’re tossing and turning at night. Are you afraid you might lose your young child in a crowded public place? Are you wondering where your teenaged daughter is at a late hour? Once you’ve figured out your concrete fear, start taking a more proactive step.
2. Read, research and ask around. Without sounding like approaching your fears in textbook-like fashion, doing your homework by way of reading parenting books or looking up Internet sites could help answer your worries.
Ask other parents you know who may have kids of the same age as yours, or those who’ve probably gone through what you are experiencing. A parent with a teenaged daughter, for instance, may advice you to sit down with your teen and agree on certain rules when she’s expecting to come home late from school or gimmick night.
Or, if you’re worried about natural calamities, then simply check out sites detailing what to do in case of emergencies.
3. Make a checklist. Whether it’s house rules that are age-appropriate for your young or older kids, a list of what should be in your emergency kit, a step-by-step guide on what to do in case of fire or earthquake, or a list of all the contact numbers you need to know (e.g. police, fire station, your family doctor, your child’s school, etc.), it helps to write them down. This way, you’re sure not to forget anything and will be readily guided by the list. This is especially helpful when you tend to be in panic mode when an emergency happens.
Place the checklist in a prominent place: you can post it on your refrigerator door or have a clear book with print-outs of all the important checklists and contact numbers your household needs. Keep it in a drawer accessible to everyone.
4. Rehearse. Not that you wish something ill would happen, but it pays to let your household members know what to do if an emergency happens. It might sound exaggerated but rehearsing or having drills at home will actually teach your kids what to do or how to react in case an actual emergency happens.
Discuss where exit routes are per scenario, how to stay calm, how to “drop, cover and hold on” during earthquakes, or how to apply first aid, just to name a few.
You can also discuss what your child can do in case the emergency happens outside your house. Going through drills, and taking them seriously at that, helps both parents and kids gain a certain level of confidence should an actual emergency happens.
The best advice I ever got was from another parent, who worried about his son when the latter was just a young boy. His son is now married and recently gave him his first grandchild. My friend said although his boy was such an imp back then, he would bring home cats and really take care of them. “I saw the tenderness in him and that’s how I knew that he would be okay.”
And a fine and caring father, his son did become.
Kids are sensitive and they learn by experience. Children look up to us and often imitate how we behave according to particular situations. Teach them what is right and how to react at certain moments. Let them be heard and let them develop their self-confidence, then they’ll be alright. The rest is a matter of living in hope and faith. n
