It was the early 1990s, the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I was working as a sales representative for a software company.
As I was leaving an appointment with the chief information officer of an investment bank, he handed me an order dramatically increasing their purchase of our software and renewing their contract six months early.
I was stunned. There was no reason for him to reorder so early. For me, this was spectacular news: I would earn a lot more money making this sale in late December than in June.
Later I realized that after years of having a solid relationship with me, he’d developed an emotional stake in my success. He had used his precious political capital to help me. To me, such a gesture is the defining attribute of a great business relationship. I have identified five steps that can lead someone to have an emotional stake in your professional success:
- They must like you. You can’t move very far in any relationship without this basic prerequisite. Go out of your way to be friendly and helpful.
- They must respect you professionally. They must admire how you do your work, behave and treat others. Work hard at getting people to respect you.
- They need to admire your “whole person.” This only happens as your relationship begins to migrate outside the workplace. Maybe you’ll attend a ballgame together or go to dinner. If the other person feels you are living a life worthy of others’ respect, he will be genuinely happy to hear of your accomplishments.
- Your lives start to mingle more deeply. Eventually, it becomes natural to invite spouses, significant others and children to your out-of-office interactions. At this stage, they may provide a job reference or set up a meeting with a peer of theirs at another company. They will burn some political capital to help you out.
- You maintain the intensity of the relationship. Consistency and longevity are key. This is where lots of people fall off—once the business benefit disappears, the relationship fades away. Just as it’s about to becomes the most valuable, they turn the dial down or off.
Good relationships and trust are the lubricants of a successful career. But it’s important not to pursue relationships cynically. These relationships are only worth pursuing with people you genuinely like.
Jim Dougherty, a veteran software CEO and entrepreneur, is a senior lecturer at MIT Sloan School of Management.
Jim Dougherty