THE first clue comes from our bodies when we encounter liars or manipulators. Our stomachs get tied up in knots; our hearts start to pound; our faces flush; and our palms sweat. These are all visceral responses signaling that something is wrong and that we are losing our composure in the negotiation. They are clues that we need to reexamine our position.
Each of us has certain emotional susceptibilities, or “hot buttons.” Some of us react bitterly to even minor criticism or see red when we think someone is making fun of us. Some of us can’t stand to have our ideas rejected. Others may give in because they feel guilty or because they are worried people won’t like them or because we don’t want to cause a scene.
Eye contact
IN negotiation, we begin with the eyes because they are the most powerful means of communication (Gordon R. Wainwright in his Body Language, Hodder & Stoughton, 1985).
The power of the eyes is at its greatest, of course, when two people are looking at each other (which usually mean looking at each others’ eyes). This is usually called mutual gaze. However, there are rules about where we can look at each other and for how long. For instance, try looking at someone’s genital region or down a girl’s low-cut dress and you will soon realize that you have broken a rule. Many people will find it embarrassing just to read that last sentence, let alone try it out, so rigid is the rule under all, but the most exceptional, circumstances.
A number of uses which we make of eye contact have already been mentioned, but there are others which are important in negotiation. Broadly speaking, most of the uses can be grouped into six categories. In other words, we establish eye contact when we are:
1. Seeking information.
2. Showing at tent ion and interest.
3. Inviting and controlling interaction.
4. Dominating, threatening and influencing others.
5. Providing feedback during speech.
6. Revealing attitudes.
Buy time to think (take a break)
THE simplest way to buy time is to think in the middle of a tense negotiation; pause and say nothing. It does you little good to respond when you’re feeling angry or frustrated. Your judgment is distorted. This is not a simple psychological fact; it results from actual biochemical changes associated with anger and stress.
Pausing will not only give you a chance to rethink for a few seconds, but it may also help the other side cool down. By saying nothing you give them nothing. They cannot assess you and your silence may make them feel a little uncomfortable. The onus of keeping the conversation going shifts back to them. Uncertain about what is going on in your head, they may respond more reasonably. Some of the most effective negotiation is accomplished by saying nothing.
Don’t decide on the spot
REMEMBER that you are under strong psychological pressure to agree in the presence of other people. One simple rule of thumb will keep you out of trouble: Never make an important decision on the spot. Excuse yourself, go to the rest room and make the decision there.
You might be afraid that calling for a break will be interpreted as a sign of weakness. The solution is to find a natural excuse.
One of the best excuses is also to call a caucus with your negotiating team. You might be worried acting like a weakling, but calling a caucus is perfectly legitimate; the other side may have just offered new information or made a new proposal, and you need a chance to discuss it among yourselves. If an immediate response is required, tell the other side: “My lawyer insists on checking everything over. You know how lawyers are.” Or ask: “You’ve put a lot of time and thought into this, haven’t you?” “In that case, I’d like to study it carefully before responding.” Fold up the document, saying: “I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”
Don’t get mad, don’t get even, get what you want. In sum, the most natural thing to do when faced with a difficult person or situation is to react. It is also the biggest mistake you can make. The first thing you need to do in a negotiation is not to control the other person’s behavior but to control your own.
Conflict prevention in the workplace
CONFLICT in the workplace can be a huge drain on resources. A conflict-riddled organization has higher levels of gossip, back-door politics, personal attacks and turnover while having lower productivity and morale. Conflict isn’t always bad, though. “There is constructive conflict and destructive conflict. The key is reducing levels of destructive conflict, while ensuring that potentially useful conflict is handled in ways that will keep it productive,” said expert negotiator and author Robert Bacal.
In essence, the foregoing might be relevant in the present environment where the government and the private sectors are locked in a stalemate at finding a solution to the numerous problems impinging on the country’s political, social, economics and national security situation that merely prejudice the greater majority of our people, including the pestering Mindanao conflict.
In summary, there are steps to follow before you could even come down to a solution. First, you have to assess the situation. Second, acknowledge that there are obstacles to overcome. Third, always be aware of the rules and the legal implications. Fourth, learn to adjust to certain situations. Fifth, always remember that there are other parties involved. Last, it is imperative to think first before you react.
To reach the writer, e-mail cecilio. arillo@gmail.com.