DURING a one-on-one interview with television host Boy Abunda recently, Director General Ronald “Bato” Dela Rosa cried when the former read aloud the latter’s Father’s Day letter to his “Papa Doro.” This happened in an episode of The Bottomline.
The chief of the Philippine National Police is known for his tough-as-nail image but when the TV host read the letter, which he posted on his Facebook account, he shed some tears. “No, brave men do cry,” he answered when asked if he was not afraid the people see him emotional.
Crying is something that everyone does; it’s a normal part of life. But if a man cries, it’s a different story. “The issue is that too many times and unnecessarily some people associate men crying with being weak, effeminate, or gay,” S.L. Young wrote in his blog.” The projection conveyed is that a man is somehow less than whole if any or too much emotion is displayed.”
Early this year, American President Barack Obama shed a tear while discussing gun violence in the United States. “The questions that immediately emerged were related to whether it’s appropriate for a country’s leader to display emotion,” Young wrote. “These comments were made as if being emotional or crying would somehow diminish the power of or respect for the man and the office. An alternative view is that it represents caring and compassion, along with a display of a lack of ego, strength, confidence, and self-awareness.”
But why do women cry more than men? Writing for Live Science, Tia Ghose explained: “The river of tears dividing men and women may have a biological basis. Women’s higher levels of the hormone prolactin [which is involved in breast-feeding] may spur them to tears, whereas men’s higher testosterone levels may inhibit tears, one theory holds. In fact, one 1998 study in the journal Cornea found that premenopausal women with lower levels of prolactin and higher testosterone levels shed fewer tears than women with high prolactin and low testosterone.
And until puberty, with its hormonal onslaught that affects boys and girls very differently, both sexes cry about equally, according to a 2002 study in the British Journal of Developmental Psychology.
“Jesus wept.” With this statement, as recorded in John 11:35, the myth that only women cry has been shattered. Yes, men do cry—as what the crying crop has shown. History is replete with stories of men who cried in public, as compiled by the authors of The Book of Lists II.
Hollywood film actor Patrick Swayze, in the middle of a 1988 televised interview with Barbara Walters, expressed regret that his father had not lived to see him became a star in his own right. As he recalled his dad with fondness, he burst into tears. “It’s like a water faucet when I talk about him,” he explained later on, “because I have so many things I wanted to say to him.”
American football player Dexter Manley cried in public twice. The first one was in 1989 before the US Senate Subcommittee on Education telling his experience on growing up with a learning disability. “I felt I was normal,” he said, with tears in rolling in his eyes, “but I was told I was dumb and stupid.” The second time was when, during a press conference, he failed a drug test that forced his retirement from football.
Another religious leader who cried in public unabashedly was Jimmy Swaggart. On February 21, 1988, the American evangelist, tears streaming down his face, confessed before a crowd of 6,000 and on television to having committed “a sin,” later revealed to be the hiring of prostitutes.
In 1972 a lot of Filipinos probably cried when Ferdinand E. Marcos declared martial law. In other side of the world that year, American Sen. Edmund Muskie was the leading contender for the Democratic Party presidential nomination. However, his campaign was derailed when, angered by a vicious attack on his wife by New Hampshire newspaper editor William Loeb, he began weeping during a speech. It was later revealed that the newspaper attack was part of a “dirty tricks” campaign orchestrated by Richard Nixon’s reelection committee.
Let’s talk about Nixon. During a 1977 television interview, he told David Frost, “I never cry–except in public.” Nixon’s most famous public weep occurred in 1952 after he made his notorious “Checkers speech” and Dwight David Eisenhower decided to allow him to remain on the Republic ticket as the vice-presidential candidate. Watching this performance, Nixon’s college drama coach, Albert Upton, who had taught the future politician how to cry remarked, “Here goes my actor.” Throughout literature, crying has been enshrined as romantic, good and noble. Charles Dickens assures us: “Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.”
What happens when we cry? Just under the eyelids are small glands which produce fluids that cleanse and lubricate our eyes. When triggered by our emotions, the involuntary nervous system may signal these glands to produce excess fluid, or tears.
There are many reasons people cry. Our various emotions produce sensations that give us the urge to cry for joy, sorrow, anger, frustration, depression, bitterness, disappointment, failure or success and the like. “Crying is a wonderful release—especially if you know what you’re crying about,” says Dr. Robert Jaffe, a marriage and family therapist in Sherman Oaks, California.
If your world is a little bit stressful, yell or cry. It’s not always possible in the typical office, but in some situations—a private office or your car, for instance—a purely emotional outburst is perfectly acceptable. Screaming or crying, says Dr. Emmet Miller, medical director of the Cancer Support and Education Center in Menlo Park, California and one of America’s recognized experts on stress, “can provide a release for the emotions generating the stress you’re feeling.”
History has stories of famous people shedding tears dictated by their emotions. American baseball player, at a press conference to announce his retirement in 1989, tried to read a prepared statement, but broke down and cried when he said, “Some eighteen years ago, I left Dayton, Ohio, with two very bad knees and a dream to become a major-league baseball player. I thank God the dream came true.”
Fifth Roman emperor Nero (Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus), remembered for his cruelties, unstable character and persecution of Christians, reportedly shed crocodile tears. That was when he put to death his mother, and also when he murdered his wife Octavia.
In his blog, Young asked some men why they cry. Robert Meredith answered: “It’s not healthy if you don’t cry; screw what other people think! And so what if I might break out in tears for reasons others might not be aware. Who cares; who are they to judge?! And I dare anyone to question my manhood! We need to stop using double standards and try to understand each other.”
Yes, boys don’t cry but brave men, do!