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Another
public figure undone by sex, another stoical wife
standing by her man.
When
Eliot Spitzer, Democratic governor of New York, one-time
state attorney general and self-appointed sheriff of
Wall Street, faced the cameras Monday to apologize (for
what, he didn’t really say), standing by his side was
his wife of 20 years, Silda Wall Spitzer: BA, Meredith
College, summa cum laude; JD, Harvard Law School;
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom; Chase Manhattan
Bank.
The
personal pain of adultery is bad enough. The public
humiliation of facing TV cameras when everyone knows
your hubby paid a high-class hooker $1,000 an hour for
sex on Valentine’s Day eve (Silda got the roses) is,
well, more than your average woman can bear.
So why
is it political wives, including those who are
independent and self-sufficient—at least before they
gave up careers to be first lady—stand by their man?
Wouldn’t it be nice, just once, if one of these women
refused to appear at the obligatory, mea-culpa press
conference and told us what was on her mind instead?
“You
$%*!#e@d, you. Couldn’t you keep it zipped?”
Silda is
in good company. Hillary Rodham Clinton (I can never
remember if she’s using her maiden name this season or
not), senator from New York and Democratic presidential
candidate, holds the gold medal in the toleration-of-
philandering-husband category. She stood by Bill through
his many indiscretions and bimbo eruptions in Arkansas,
not to mention his oval-office tryst with intern Monica
Lewinsky. He was impeached by the House of
Representatives for lying under oath about sex with
“that woman.”
First
wives’ club
The
victim role seemed to suit Hillary after L’Affaire
Monica—women identified with her—so she reprised it by
tearing up at a New Hampshire diner right before the
January primary, which she won.
Then
there are the wives who have to face both the infidelity
of their spouses and the indignity of learning their men
prefer partners with an XY-chromosome combo rather than
an XX.
Suzanne
Craig, wife of “I’m-not-gay” Larry, Republican senator
from Idaho, was at her husband’s side last year after he
was picked up for soliciting sex in the men’s room of
the Minneapolis airport. Craig proffered the
“wide-stance” defense to explain what seemed like
footsie with the undercover cop in the stall next door.
Former
New Jersey governor Jim (“I am a gay American”)
McGreevey had wife Dina in tow when he confessed to a
consensual affair with another man in 2004. The
McGreeveys are in the process of divorcing.
State of
shock
Wendy
Vitter was standing next to husband David, Republican
senator from Louisiana, when her husband’s telephone
number turned up on the client list of a Washington
escort service. She made a public “decision to love him
and to recommit to our marriage.”
So what
makes these seemingly smart, sophisticated women go into
protective mode instead of giving the guy a swift kick
in the derričre?
On a
personal level, these women are probably in a state of
shock. They find out what we find out with a short lead
time. The female’s innate response is, first, to protect
and preserve the family.
It may
look like the woman scorned is standing by her man, but
she’s really standing up for the life she’s worked to
build over decades.
Career
choice
Then
there’s his career to worry about. If her presence by
his side sends a message of, “I forgive him,” then the
implication is, you should, too.
In
Hillary’s case, the decision to stand by Bill would seem
to have been a matter of political expediency. If you’re
the first lady with ambitions to be the first lady
president, it’s worth keeping Bill around for his
contacts, political acumen and postpresidential payroll
potential. (OK, so the acumen thing didn’t work out so
well in the primaries.)
Maybe
women who haven’t been in this position will never
understand why smart political wives stand by their men
after they lay down with someone else, to paraphrase a
blogger. Even if the wife makes an informed decision to
stay, why oh why can’t she pass on the press conference?
Her absence would speak volumes: My husband may be a
public official, but this is a private matter. I’m home
with the children. We’re trying to deal with this as
best as we can. He brought this on himself. He can deal
with the public.
There is
no love lost, especially on Wall Street, for Spitzer,
who resigned yesterday. He used the court of public
opinion, not the justice system, to convict his targets,
extract huge cash settlements from financial
institutions and, in a couple of cases, restructure
corporate executive suites. Good riddance, Eliot.
As for
Silda and scorned political wives past, present and
future, our sympathies. Maybe one day you’ll hold a
press conference of your own. |
