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Outside
One of
my earliest recollections of Charles Barkley was when he
was in Philadelphia and the 76ers were playing Portland
at the Spectrum. The Trailblazers were in their
half-court set and the ball had swung to their
then-rookie Mark Bryant who was working the ball to
Jerome Kersey. Barkley, who was on top of the key called
out, “Yo!” And Bryant fell for that old playground trick
of passing to an opponent. The Round Mound of Rebound
high-tailed it to the other end of the floor for a
monster slam and guffaws of laughter on both sides.
That’s
the way Barkley played the game—with feral intensity and
in the spirit of fun. Easily, he is the most
quoted—although he does claim, misquoted—player in the
NBA. The loquacious forward has found a home on TNT’s
Inside the NBA which is the funniest sports talk show
since Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann ruled Sportscenter.
Along with Kenny Smith, Doug Collins, Marv Albert, Steve
Kerr and Ernie Johnson among others, they have the best
quotes and most fab insights. While not as astute as
Kerr, Chuck knows how to make the broadcasts interesting
and fun to listen to.
***
Barkley:
Byron Scott just got out of the hospital.
Johnson:
Huh? What happened?
Barkley:
He got stabbed in the back (in reference to his players
ousting him from New Jersey).
Chuck on
Vince Carter:
Half-man. Half-season.
Kenny
Smith:
André
Igoudala was on fire!
Chuck:
No, he wasn’t. He was just excited he got to shoot in a
game (in reference to Allen Iverson’s not passing the
ball).
***
During
the recent Los Angeles Lakers vs. Sacramento Kings game
in Sacto, Barkley subbed for an indisposed Steve Kerr to
work alongside Marv Albert and he was fantastic. He
playfully needled veteran ref Dick Bavetta who is 67
years of age about his apparent slowness in getting up
and down the NBA hardwood to do his job. Said Barkley,
“Bavetta was so old that he parted the Red Sea with
Moses.” And he also added that he and Albert could beat
Bavetta down the floor anytime and anywhere. Added Sir
Charles, Bavetta’s tombstone would read, “He keeled over
while racing the Chuckster.” TNT is proposing that the
two settle the score once and for all right before the
All-Star Game. Bavetta has reportedly agreed to race.
Stay tuned to if this materializes but that would be
real fun since Bavetta is another jokester.
In that
same LA-Sacto telecast, the Lakers’ Brian Cook found
himself wide open late in the game but passed up a shot
to which Barkley leapt up and yelled out loud enough
even for those in the nearby seats to hear, “Shoot the
ball! Shoot the ball. If you’re scared, get a dog!”
Bwahahaha. That’s just awesome!
Courtside
My three
fave NBA jerseys today are
Kobe’s
No. 24 (yes, I have the Lakers’ purple road jersey and
am one of the few MJ fans who’s a Kobe fan), Andres
Nocioni’s No. 5, and Gilbert Arenas’ No. 0. Yes, Arenas.
How can you not love this player who has made a career
out of using perceived slights as motivation? Not since
MJ lit up foes with channeled anger has the NBA seen a
playa like Arenas. There’s even a termed coined for his
oddities, Gilbertology. He wears No. 0 after basketball
experts once said that he play zero minutes in Arizona,
his college. That goes to show that experts know jack.
And after being cut out from the US Basketball National
Team to the recent Fiba Worlds, he promised to take it
out on Mike Krzyzewski’s assistants on that team,
Phoenix’s
Mike D’Antoni and Portland’s Nate McMillan. He lit up
the Suns for 54 and said he’d go for 50 versus the
Trailblazers this coming February 11. And he even wrote
in his blog that he’d “give up one NBA season to go back
to college just to play Duke where he’d score 84 or 85
points.” Hoo-hah!
My
slant, coach K was the main reason why the US team lost
in Saitama. He didn’t play his bench much and
inexplicably did not use Dwight Howard in the second
half during that crucial loss to Greece. Why get a team
of 12 when you’re only going to a seven-man rotation?
And he had Brad Miller who could break down those zones
with his deadeye outside shooting. Stay in college,
coach K. Your game only works there.
Back to
Arenas. Not since Larry Bird have we seen a player who
likes to call his shots. Remember when Bird told Xavier
McDaniel as they were headed for their respective
benches during a timeout that he’d shoot from a certain
spot on the floor (in the game’s dying minutes) and that
he’d make it? The Birdman delivered on that promise on
the very spot he pointed out to the X-Man.
Well,
Arenas is somewhat like that. Before every shot, he’d
yell, “Hibachi!” That’s because he heats up real fast
like a Hibachi grill. But after Kobe Bryant said that he
doesn’t take quality shots, Arenas began to shout,
“Quality shot,” after every shot. And he took it out on
the Lakers, going for 60 points.
Well,
both are headed for the All-Star Game at Las Vegas where
both figure to be a big part of pro hoops’ biggest
party. Barkley vs. Bavetta? Arenas vs. the League. That
I’d pay to watch. |
