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‘I
THOUGHT at your age, people would just be partying. But
now, I realize we’ll always have issues—and that makes
you, us, human.”
Jaded
Buddha, my twentysomething friend, and I were having our
pre-Christmas get-together. She was bursting with
excitement after bagging a film scholarship to Europe.
In February 2008 she’ll be interacting with the world’s
greatest film directors. I, on the other hand, am
sighing, trying to figure out if it’s been a good year
or bad one.
Before
she could open her mouth, I already read what she was
about to say. So I said, “Yes, of course, having a baby
this year is the best thing that has happened to us.”
 On
the other hand, there was also a whirl of other things:
career crossroads, professional conflicts, projects that
panned out, big expenses, moving to a new house, work
relationships that one needs to say goodbye to, even
questions about self-worth.
But it
hasn’t been a bad year at all. Really. Plans that one
had spent months preparing for may not have pushed
through for a reason. More than the material things and
work concerns, nothing can be more uplifting than the
push that friends like Jaded Buddha and loved ones had
given me in this roller-coaster year. When the going
gets tough, coffee with a friend, a light moment from a
supportive coworker, a hug, an inspiring text message
clear the bad vibe and bring in a fresh whiff of
positive air.
When
disappointments come one’s way and a caring presence
lends a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold, or arms to
embrace, it’s easy to let go of one’s failed dreams. In
its place, instead, is the priceless offering of a good
person/good people who strengthened you when you felt
very down.
As the
year ends, and another one enters, we’re all given the
gift of starting anew. Instead of dwelling on the
negative—anger is a powerful and consuming emotion—make
it a firm choice to focus on the constructive stuff.
There’s more fullness in life when one thinks of the big
and small blessings: a stable job, happy kids, a partner
who cares for you, your garden, reliable household
staff, the empty but promising pages of a new planner.
And, of
course, be grateful to the good people surrounding you.
At the various low points I found myself in last year,
here were some of the heartening words I received from
friends and loved ones.
“Your
sincerity will save you.” A project that I was
passionate about had to be given a new “strategy” by my
clients. They didn’t need my services anymore,
especially since the company was having its financial
problems. I felt very hurt after all the time, effort
and wholehearted devotion I gave it.
Over a
teary coffee session with JR, she said, “You know that’s
what I tell myself when ‘bad’ people are around me,
especially when I was freelancing. There would be times
when people would just drop me like a hot potato without
telling me and paying me. But in the end, I know I have
a clear conscience. I did my best, did a good job. Later
on, I realized that the people I was working for were
also having problems on their own, and I just felt that
it was a good thing that I bolted out from their group
before it could get any worse.”
“Set a
quota for yourself.” The balancing act isn’t just about
juggling between running a home and making sure work is
done efficiently in the office. It’s also about being
faithful to our passion. How many times have we promised
ourselves to make baby’s scrapbook, attend yoga class or
travel abroad? “You should also be faithful to the
things you believe in,” said Jaded Buddha, who has
enviably resolved to—and fulfilled—making at least two
short films a year. Make a commitment with yourself.
Start with something small and push yourself to do it.
“Be
attached...and detached.” Over the holidays, we had
planned for full-course menus for when people come and
visit us at home. But then family members weren’t able
to visit us until Christmas Eve itself because of
pressing errands. We were left with big platters of food
that we ate for the next two days. “Learn not to expect
anything,” said my husband. “You’ll only get
disappointed if you expect too much.” We can’t control
other people’s decisions or what’s on their mind, but we
can surely change our attitude. Be truthful in your
actions, but don’t get overly involved either. If
something didn’t go as planned, I’ve learned to say,
“Oh, well.” And life just insists on moving on.
“It’s
their story.” No matter how painfully you tried to be
Miss Nice Girl, someone will always question your
motives. The road to living can be full of snake pits,
with two-legged serpents who want to pull you down. Even
in family reunions, there are members who will forever
criticize you about anything and everything: your
weight, your looks, your job. “But that’s just their
side of the story,” said A. “They don’t really know you,
after all. It’s their point of view, you don’t need to
please or correct them. It’ just their story.”
Next
time someone gives me an ill criticism, I just shrug my
shoulders and whisper as A does, “Hmmm. Just her
story.”
“Chill.”
In her younger days, she was the coolest girl on the
block. But now that she has a teenager of her own, C was
wondering why her royal coolness didn’t translate into
being a cool mama as well. She was worried about her
daughter going out and hanging out in a hipster’s place
in Makati. Even if she was used to drinking out among
friends and enjoying the gigs by rock bands until the
ungodly hours, she would have screaming bouts with her
daughter.
One day,
however, her girl calmly told her, “But mama, you know
what it was like. I never go home dead drunk. We just
enjoy and cheer for our friends who are playing in a
band. You know you can always call me [on my mobile
phone] if you want to talk to me.”
The
uncool mama got it. Her worst fears were eating her up.
But she only had to chill to understand where her
daughter was coming from to be able to connect with her.
From then on, she didn’t get worried anymore because she
knew she had a responsible daughter. There was even an
instance when C went with her daughter to the hipster’s
place her girl had talked about. “It was poetry reading
night and Karen read her own poem. “She dedicated her
piece to me. I was so touched—I’d raised the coolest
girl in the world.” |
